My New Phone

I got a new cell phone last weekend, and I don't think I like it. The phone part of it is fine, but the games really suck. There are two games on it, and I've never heard of either one, and they take like 32 hours to load. Okay - I'm exaggerating, but it feels like forever. So, I'm wondering if they'll take it back since it's only been a week. I always wanted a flip phone, now I've got one, I realized the other day that I almost always get what I want. That's pretty bad, huh? I'm spoiled rotten. I do the spoiling myself, cuz nobody else does it quite like me. Since it's me I'm spoiling, some how, I always manage to get exactly what I want, it's pretty cool. Okay - enough about me......Oh, wait, one more thing....Truth is, I had to get a new phone cuz I dropped mine in the toilet. YUCK! It was clean water at least, and at least it was at my house and not a public restroom or something, that'd be pretty gross, it was gross enough already. Well, I would talk about other things besides me, but some of my friends are very private people and don't want their names posted on my blog for the world to see (well, the three of you that read my blog anyway) so, maybe I'll start giving my friends fake names, and then I can talk about them.......hmmmm. If you want to name yourself, let me know, or I'll think of something that suits you just fine. I think I'm going to call my best friend "Kwiksandrian" or maybe "Cloudifferous" or "Fantastic Fantana", no I think I'll save that one for myself. Oooh - have you seen those Fanta commercials....."You look hot in all that plaster....drink a Fanta faster, faster" I want to be the purple fantana.

I've got a problem...

Yesterday I got in a small, let's say, discussion with one of my friends, and I think I upset her, but she won't talk to me reasonably about it, and I'm not sure how to handle it. I keep thinking about it, and how I should have handled it differently, and now I don't know if I should let it blow over, and hopefully it will be fine (you know, ignore it and it will go away..) or if I should try talking to her again. Thing is.....I don't know how to do it, if that's what I decide to do. I'm not good at stuff like this. I can normally get out of it by kidding around, but that didn't work. The hardest thing for me is that she is acting like everything is fine, but she said some things that tell me there are other issues besides our discussion yesterday, and I think in reality she has the wrong impression regarding my part in these "other issues". I guess my question is - How do you say I'm sorry when you've already said it? - Do you say it again, and again - or do you say it the one time and don't worry about it anymore? Should I even try to fix it? I don't know what to do. She's my friend, and is important to me, I hope she knows it.

10 things I hate about you

When I say you, I don't necessarily mean "you", I mean people in general, let's see if I can find ten.

1. I hate it when you scream, at me or anyone else.
2. I hate it when you make fun of the way I laugh.
3. I hate it when you say "I can't"
4. I hate it when you hurt someone I love.
5. I hate it when you don't believe in God.
6. I hate it when you drive really slow in front of me.
7. I hate it when you won't listen.
8. I hate it when I need you and you don't notice.
9. I hate it when when your sad, angry, or sick.
10. I hate it when you won't do what's best for you.

10 things I hate about me

Don't ask my why I thought about doing this, but I did and I'm gonna, so here goes...Let's see, ten things I hate about me...hmmmm....ok

1. I hate my weight
2. I hate my sense of direction
3. I hate that I feel like everything is my fault if it's not going right
4. I hate disappointing you (any of you)
5. I hate my selfishness
6. I hate my stubborness and sometimes pride
7. hmmm, I'm stumped....

Who am I kidding, there's not ten things to hate about me (hee,hee), okay, maybe one more would be my arrogance. conceit, or whatever you wanta call it..........

If you can think of any, feel free to comment......but if I were you, I would do it anonymously, cuz I might not like it. :)

School Has Started!

Yep, school has started, so far, it's been okay. The first week is over. I made it to all my classes on time, and managed to find my way around campus. Truth is, campus hasn't been a problem, it's getting to and from campus. I know one way to get there and one way to get home, thing is, I have to go to my friend's house in Hurst to know where to go, so last night, I tried to figure out the way home without going to Hurst, and I got LOST! It was terrible......

Anyway, I'm home now, and I don't have to go back until Tuesday, but I will figure out the way before then.

So far, school has been somewhat uneventful, I've met a few people, my classes have been pretty boring, except Calculus, so far it's mind boggling. My instructor briefly reviewed a section that we did not learn in my Calculus 2 class, and now it is the basis of everything we are doing at this point. Maybe I should read the book....hmmm...I'll try that.

Par 23-25

Lava spoke with her parents about the situation that night, and her father told her that he felt she should end it with him, and not give it a second thought. He said “I know it hurts honey, but this too shall pass.” Mr. Locust always had a way of making Lava feel she could do anything. The confidence he had in her had helped build her own confidence in herself. Lava heard the phone ring, her father answered “Hello…..yes, I’ll accept the charges” his voice trailed off, as Lava heard him walk into the other room.

Lava later learned that it had been Danny calling back that night, and Mr. Locust had a few things to say to him. In his conversation he asked Danny not to call Lava again, and he didn’t. Lava had not heard from Danny since.

The door bell rang. Lava jumped, looked at her watch, she had dozed off, thirty minutes had passed with her just sitting on the couch with her Diet Dr. Pepper, thinking about Danny. The door bell rang again. Lava hesitated, then went to the door, she opened it. There stood Sharla Ashton, who Lava had not seen in months. Lava and Sharla used to work together at a printing company, and toward the end had become friends. Sharla had left the company before Lava, gotten married, started a new job, and bought a large new house in the next City, South of Hebron. Lava, in a way, was envious of Sharla and her new life, but Lava new she would one day have all of her dreams fulfilled as well. Even if she had to do it by herself. “Hi Sharla” Lava exclaimed. “Sorry to drop in unexpectedly, I was in the area, and thought I’d see if you were home” Sharla replied. “Come in” Lava invited. Sharla went into the house, and Lava showed her around, “well, it’s not much, but it’s mine…” Lava said. “It’s great, Lava” Sharla said with enthusiam, “I love what you’ve done with it.” Lava always loved very modern, very contemporary things. She had large pictures on the small walls, a sofa and armchair with a mixture of deep colors, and a set of very interesting tables, that complimented the furniture well. She had an odd shaped television stand, and two very large, contemporary metal candle holders on the wall opposite the sofa. “How’s Rob?” Lava asked. “Oh, he’s fine I guess” Sharla replied with a sigh in her voice. “Is something wrong?” Lava asked with genuine concern. She looked at Sharla, and could see sadness in her eyes. “Not really, nothing’s , er…. wrong…It’s just…..I don’t know” Sharla was having a hard time explaining how she felt. Lava was still for a minute, waiting, wanting to give Sharla a chance if she wanted to talk. Then Lava spoke, “Let’s sit down, you want something to drink?” Lava walked to the Fridge, opened it and continued, “ I’ve got Diet Dr. Pepper, Fresca and uh… water.” Sharla looked at Lava, said “water would be good” her voice cracked a little, and Lava looked at her, and saw a tear fall down her cheek. “What is it? ” she asked very softly and gently. Lava quickly grabbed a bottled water and walked back into the living room, she sat down right next Sharla, grabbed a kleenex from the box on the table, and handed it to her. Sharla took it, said “thank you”, then tears flooded her eyes.

H Town

I went to Houston this weekend with my friends. It was an amazingly exhillerating and awesome time. We shopped at the galleria, went to the aquarium, and did everything else we wanted to do. It was a blast. I was about to tell you that everything went very smooth and that absolutely nothing went wrong, then I remembered one...but only one. My friends were waiting in the car while I went into the hotel to see what time the restaurant closed. I was walking back out to the car, with my held high, feeling like Sheera, "princess of power", (not to be confused with Xena, warrior princess, there is a difference, in case you didn't know) Anyway, I was wearing these bulky black shoes with fairly high soles. I barely reached the car, when I stepped into a hole just beyond the sidewalk. I fell, ever so clumsily toward the car, then onto my knee, and ended up on my butt. I sat there a second and pouted. Then I got up, brushed myself off, and with everything I could muster, I said "I'm fine, really" My friends were all very concerned, I was mostly embarrassed. My knee is a little sore, and my back hurts a bit, I realize though that Sheera wouldn't whine and cry about it, so neither will I.

All in all, it was a great trip. Apart from my "falling down" scene, I can't say enough good about it. I want to go back!

First Day

Today was the First Day at my new job. It was not at all like I expected. I was so worried, twisted all up inside, and thinking "what if I can't do it?" It's been bothering me for two weeks. I have to say, this is the first time that I have ever stressed a new job like this. I wanted to cry and cry and cry....but I didn't (my eyes teared up a few times when I thought about it). Thing is, I felt like no one understood how I was feeling, everyone was very supportive, saying stuff like "you can do it" "don't worry about it" "you'll do great"...... But, I wanted to talk about it, really talk about it, but I couldn't and I didn't. I had this great big lump in my chest, and tried to busy myself through it all. I don't know why it has been so hard.

Anyway - I went today, and was BORED OUT OF MY HEAD!! First assignment was to load some software on my computer. It was autocad, I loaded it, it was a newer version than mine, so I read all about the new changes, and then configured it so it was set up the way I like it. I finished by 8:30, and it appeared there was nothing else there for me to do. I cleaned my office, dusted my desk, rearranged everything on it (done by 9:00). I was told by the guy I work with, that a lot of times the days are like this. I'm not sure I can handle it. I get really really antsy. My Boss left early in the morning, said he was going to get some files for me to work on, and would be back. I talked to his son and my co-worker for a while, then decided to clean the kitchen. I got way into it, and cleaned it spic and span.... Then my Boss came back, and didn't have the file he wanted me to work on (12:15 by now). I had previously done a map for him for the City of Oak Point, there were a few changes since I had done it, and he wanted me to work on those. He, however, did not have the copy I gave him, so I came home and got my copy. I went back and made those changes (finished by 2:00). By this time, he handed me a disk, pulled uot some plans for a water line, and showed me some of the problems with it, and asked me to make the corrections. Then he left for the day. I popped in the disk, there were tons and tons of files on it. I didn't see the file, so I went through each folder individually looking for it. It wasn't there. I knew where a copy was at the City of Sanger (In my old desk) so I called him several times to let him know, but he didn't answer. I tried to busy myself, but there was NOTHING to do!! He finally called me back at 4:30, I explained hte situation and he asked me to go to Sanger and pick up the disk. I did, then went to the doctor, the grocery store, and came home. I was just cooking dinner, thought I'd surprise my roommate, but I burnt the #@!*# out of it! Now I wanta cry again.

The Ant and the Grasshopper

I got this from my brother's site, who got it from Nikki Elliot who got it from her boss Mr. Fletcher, who my brother says is one of the coolest people he knows........

The Ant and the Grasshopper

OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green." Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake. Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients. The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

Change

I was talking to my co-workers at lunch today about change. It was an interesting discussion. I am changing many things in my life, and trying my best to change a few things about myself. One of the girls said that she does not like change, that she likes to have a routine, do the same thing each day, and is content to do in her words "my own little job" and not have to worry about anything. One of the other girls agreed with her. I got on my soap box of course, and explained that change is inevitable and you have to embrace it or you get left behind. I honestly believe that is true. Think about it. Change can be risky, but I’m convinced that no risk equals no change, and no change adds up to no growth. Plus, being willing to adapt and change will definitely add excitement to your life

Improving yourself is one way, I believe, to embrace change. Increasing knowledge, experiencing new things, changing your "look" (also an excuse to shop), striving for something better, getting to know someone just a little more, TAKING RISKS.......I could go on and on.

We live in an amazing, dynamic time. The future is unlimited and open to anything we can imagine. Let us imagine what we would like the future to be, then make it so. We have the power; we just need the vision and the will.

A caterpillar must shed its cocoon to become a butterfly. We must shed many of our old ways and habits before we can spread our wings and fly.

Change is life, change is excitement, challenge, and growth.

Par 19-22

“Gerald Johansen, Gerald Johansen” the lady at the desk called out. Mr. Johansen looked at Lava, raised his eyebrows slightly, and said “well, I guess it’s my turn.” He stood, and walked toward the desk. The lady behind the desk spoke with him and then led him down a hall, Lava watched as they disappeared. Lava sat in the waiting area, trying to decide what her next step should be. She considered leaving, but thought it was best to wait, and see Danny face to face. After about fifteen minutes, Mr. Johansen walked back up the same hall. He nodded at Lava, gave her a slight smile, and walked out the front door.

“Lava Locust, Lava Locust, “ she heard the same voice call her name. She stood and walked toward the desk. “Follow me” the lady told Lava. Lava followed her down the hall, they turned into a room with chairs, and glass windows. Lava saw Danny sitting in an orange jail issued outfit behind one of the glass windows, with a slight grin on his face. Lava couldn’t help but smile. She was told to pick up the telephone receiver and that she had fifteen minutes to visit. Lava sat down, picked up the receiver and said “hi”. Danny said “sorry I didn’t call you, I was embarrassed, and figured you would never want to see me again." Lava was silent. Danny went on “I don’t know what happened, they showed up at the door with a warrant. You have to believe me, I didn’t do what they are accusing me of.” Lava grimaced, then said, “Danny, I don’t know what to think. I thought I knew you, but now I don’t know…” her voice trailed off. Danny replied “you do know me, better than anyone else.” “Apparently not” Lava responded. “What do you mean?” Danny said, “do you believe I could hurt someone?” “I don’t know” Lava said softly, “I just don’t know. “

Danny and Lava continued talking, the fifteen minutes was up, Lava said goodbye, and left. She got in her car, turned on the engine, then sat in the parking lot and cried. “Why is this happening?” she said out loud. Lava sat in her car for a while, then realized she wasn’t doing herself or anyone any good by sitting here acting this way. She wiped the tears away, turned on the radio and headed for home.

Later that night, the phone rang, Lava answered “Hello”. “Collect call from the Denton County Jail” she heard the voice on the other end. Lava accepted. Danny said “Hey Baby, whatcha doin?” Lava said “Hi Danny, I was just about to go to bed, can we talk later?” Danny said, “ I just wanted to tell you I love you.” Lava was silent. Danny said “Well, that’s all I wanted to say.” Lava finally spoke, she said “Danny, I think it’s best that we put our relationship on hold for now.” It was Danny’s turn to be silent. Lava explined “I don’t know what to think Danny, I don’t want to believe it’s true, but I met your dad, he said he thought you needed some help. I just need some time.” Danny’s voice seemed different, cold, and almost angry as he said slowly “Lava, I love you and I will always love you, I won’t let you break up with me.” Lava didn’t know what to say at first, then she said “I just need some time, can you give me that?” Danny said, “take all the time you need, but if you think you don’t want to see me anymore, I’m sorry, because even if you break up with me, when I beat these charges, and get out of here, I will find you, and we will be together forever.” He said it so matter of factly as if there was no way it could be any other way. Lava said “Danny, I have to go now.” Danny told her again that he loved her. Lava hung up the phone.

Yesterday

Yesterday....all my troubles seem so far away.......now it looks as though they're here to stay, Oh I believe in yesterday.....

Ok, yesterday, I said I was going to have a phenomenal day, I was goint to break a record or take a risk....blah,blah,blah read it for yourself....... It didn't happen. Not that the day was not good, it was. I just didn't do anything really out of the ordinary. I'm embarrassed to have absolutely nothing to tell you after all that talk yesterday, but I am going to try to live exceptionally well today.

Wisdom From Above

I got this from my devotional this morning:

Are any of you wise or sensible? Then show it by living right and by being humble and wise in everything you do. But if your heart is full of bitter jealousy and selfishness, don't brag or lie to cover up the truth. That kind of wisdom doesn't come from above. It is earthly and selfish and comes from the devil himself. Whenever people are jealous or selfish, they cause trouble and do all sorts of cruel things. But the wisdom that comes from above leads us to be pure, friendly, gentle, sensible, kind, helpful, genuine, and sincere. When peacemakers plant seeds of peace, they will harvest justice. James 3:13-18


My prayer is that I will find the wisdom that leads me to be pure, friendly, gentle, sensible, kind, helpful, genuine and sincere. I struggle day to day to be who I believe God wants me to be. I realize he is not condemning me, but I constantly condemn myself. I know I can be a better person, and I will continue to try.

Today

Today has been fairly agreeable. The weather is okay. Work is going fine, and I am home for lunch. I just wrote three more paragrphs in my book (on my blog actually) and am drinking slim fast. The book writing is quite fun, I would recommend you try it. The slim fast is not so great, and not something I am recommending. Today is the second day of my last week at the City, and so far has been uneventful. My boss told me today that she thought about me leaving, and if she were in my shoes she would do the same thing. She said she would stop trying to get me to stay. That's nice of her, huh? What else about Today? let me think. Well.....Today I was supposed to go eat dinner with my parents, and they cancelled. How rude. I'll get over it. Also, today is trash day, and I had to rush in and get the trash when I got home for lunch, because they were two houses down. I made it though. Aren't you proud? I am. I had to move fast....

Anyway, while thinking about my hum drum day, I've decided that the day is what I make it, so the rest of it is going to be phenomenal!! I will break a record, take a risk, or do something incredible. I will let you know how it goes......

Oh I heard something on Def Poetry the other night - just thought of it - the guy said "I challenge you to find something worth dying for, and then live for it!" I thought that was way cool. Maybe I'll find that "something" today.

Par 16-18

Lava finally reached home, went inside, looked around, sighed, and headed toward the kitchen. She pulled the frozen pizza and Diet Dr. Pepper from the bag. She looked at the pizza, decided she wasn't hungry, and put it in the freezer. She opened her drink and headed for the couch. She sat down, propped her feet up on the coffee table and laid her head back against the pillows. Lava was staring at the ceiling and began thinking about Danny again. She thought about the man she had met at the jail, and what he had told her that day. After Lava introduced herself as Danny's girlfriend, the man smiled, shook her hand, and said "I'm Danny's father." Lava was surprised. He didn't look like Danny at all. Danny was blonde, this man had dark brown hair. Danny had blue eyes, this man had dark brown eyes. Danny looked strong and energetic. This man looked soft, sad, and alone.

Danny had mentioned his father a few times, and Lava never thought to ask why Danny was living with an aunt rather than his father. Danny's mother had died when he was young, and Danny was raised by his father. Danny always had good things to say about him. Lava spoke first "Isn't this strange, Danny being arrested.....for assault?" She hesitated to say "sexual" assault, she didn't know how much his father knew. "Well, it doesn't surprise me much" Mr. Johansen replied. Lava asked, almost defensively, "Why, it doesn't seem like him at all?" Mr. Johansen sighed, bent his head low, and became very quiet. Lava sat there, looking at him, waiting for an explanation. She was saddened by the sight of him, and thought how hard this must be for him. His only son being arrested, and having to come visit him in jail. She could not imagine what he must be feeling. She thought about how she felt, confused, a little sad, but definitely more confused than sad.

There was silence for a few moments. Then Mr. Johansen spoke "Danny has always had problems, this is not he first time he's been accused of something like this." Lava looked at him, started to speak, but realized she did not know what to say. "When he was a kid, a little girl accused him of touching her inappropriately" he continued. "We talked to him, he denied it, and we believed him, but since then there have been other instances that just didn't seem right, I knew he had problems, but I never knew and still don't know how to help him." Lava started to speak again, but realized this was his father, she couldn't say what she was thinking. In fact, she was thinking, "I should bolt now!" Mr. Johansen continued talking about Danny, explaining that he was always a fairly normal kid, but had a lot of anger. Danny took it out on people that could not hurt him back. He continued to talk, Lava not hearing most of it, she had all kinds of mixed feelings and thoughts about this. This did not seem like the guy she knew at all. He never seemed angry. He was kind to everyone, and especially kind to her.

Another Thought....

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take;
but by the moments that take our breath away.

Par 13-15

Danny was young, strong, and gorgeous. Lava never thought someone like him could be interested in her. She was a skeptic, and brushed it off as a one time thing, but Danny kept coming around, and they finally became an item. They went every where together. Always finding themselves in some parking lot, or at some park kissing, talking, and kissing some more. Lava loved being with Danny. He always told her how beautiful she was, and how lucky he was. Within the first two weeks after that first kiss, he told Lava “I hope you don’t think I’m strange, but I can’t help but think I love you”. Lava didn’t know what to say. She smiled, and said “thank you”. Danny looked hurt. Lava hated to see him look that way, she said suddenly but quietly “I think I love you too”. Danny smiled, hopped out of the car and yelled to the sky “SHE THINKS SHE LOVES ME TOO!” Lava laughed, and begged him to stop and get back in the car.

Danny was wonderful, a perfect gentleman. They dated for over a year. About a month after Lava’s 17th birthday, Danny called and asked if they could talk. Lava met him at the park where they normally went to “talk”. Danny told her he had something very upsetting to tell her, and wanted her to know it wasn’t true. He went on to explain that someone in the nursing home accused him of assaulting one of the residents….. “sexually assaulting one of the residents” he added in a voice that seemed to beg for her to believe there was no way in the world it was true. Lava was shocked, she completely believed he was innocent. She asked him many questions, pointedly, all of which he had reasonable explanations for. Lava was convinced he was telling the truth. After all, he had always been a perfect gentleman with her. He had suggested a few times, that they become more intimate. Lava always said no, and he never pushed the issue any further. She couldn’t even begin to think it was possible of him.

Lava received a phone call the next day from Shirley, the aunt Danny was living with. Shirley asked Lava if she had seen or heard from Danny . Lava told her she had not heard from him since the night before. Shirley explained she had come home to find the house empty, but that there was a saucer of half cooked pasta on the stove, his keys and phone were on the cabinet, and looked as though he left unexpectedly. Lava didn’t know what to think. She called Danny ’s friends, they had not heard from him. She thought about calling hosptals, then thought about the conversation of the night before, and thought maybe he had been arrested. She began calling the jails, the second one she called, a deep voice answered “County jail” she asked if they had brought in a Daniel Johansen “yes ma’am, he’s here, we got ‘em on sexual assault”. Lava asked, “can he have visitors? Can I talk to him?” The officer informed her that he had access to a phone from his cell, he would have to call collect, but that he could call anyone he wanted. Lava thought for a moment, then was very upset that he hadn’t called. Lava fell asleep that night thinking, wondering and worrying about Danny . Was he cold? Was he scared? Did he do it? “No way” she thought “he wouldn’t, just couldn’t” The next day she went down to the jail. There was a line for visitors, right inside the right hand entrance. Lava stood in the line, in front of her, was a tall dark haired, soft spoken man. She watched as he signed in, his last name was Johansen. Lava leaned in closer to try to see what else he was writing. Under “person visiting” he wrote Danny Johansen. Lava looked at him curiously, watched him walk to a row of seats, step past three empty chairs, and sit down. “Excuse me miss, sign in here” , came a strong but femine voice from behind the desk. Lava signed in under this “Mr. Johansen” and wrote, once again, Danny Johansen. She walked slowly toward the row of seats, where “Mr. Johansen” had walked, she slowly stepped toward him, and sat down next to him. He looked at her for a few seconds, wondering why she picked that chair, then he turned purposefully away from her. Lava spoke. She quietly said “Sir, I noticed you are here to visit Danny Johansen”….he looked at her, she continued “I’m his girlfriend”. She looked at him as if to say “and you?”…….

Par. 11 & 12

Lava checked out and headed back to her car. She pushed the button on her keychain that unlocked the doors, got in her car, and headed toward home. Lava began thinking back over the years since she had moved to Hebron. She remembered clearing the two acres of land in the country with her family, the mobile home burning to the ground when she was 15 years old, the whole town pitching in to help out the family. She thought about her family moving to a place across town, and then the carport out back that her father had built. The carport….Her first real kiss was under that carport. Lava was 16 years old, still living at home. Danny Johansen was a friend of a friend of her sister, who happened to be visiting one day. He worked at a nursing home in the next town, as a nurses-aid. This was not the first time he ahd been to Lava's house. The family and visitors were all in the living room, sitting and talking after dinner. Lava hadn’t paid much attention to Danny all night, he didn’t interest her much. Mr. Locust asked Lava to go out back and feed the dogs. Lava started to stand, when Danny volunteered to help. Lava, surprised at the offer, smiled, and said “Thanks, but I can handle it.” Danny insisted, Lava shrugged, and he followed her out the back door. Danny was 18 years old, had sandy blonde hair and blue-eyes. Totally oposite of Lava. Lava was dark skinned, had black hair, and dark brown eyes. Lava had not given Danny a second thought as she finished feeding and watering the dogs, she stood, straightened, then turned to walk back toward the house. Danny cleared his throat, then said “I guess you can handle it”, Lava laughed nervously as she usually did, turned toward him and said “I told you I could”. Danny stepped toward her, Lava tensed. Danny reached out and touched her face. Lava looked at him, his eyes were so cold, but so blue. She didn’t know whether to sigh and melt away or run and scream for her life, she suddenly felt calm. Danny asked “What would you do if I kissed you?” Lava looked down, embarrassed. Danny raised her face so that she was staring into his eyes once again. He repeated the question. Lava, to her own surprise, whispered, “I guess I’d kiss you back”. Danny moved closer and pressed his lips to hers. She stepped back at first, Danny looked confused, Lava apologized. “I’m a little scared” she said. Danny asked “of what?”, Lava replied, “You”. He kissed her again.

Lava continued to drive down the road, remembering that kiss, remembering every part of it, the way he smelled, the taste of his lips, the warmth of his hand on her face, his raspy voice. It was amazing. She had been hooked. She suddenly put her thoughts into words “How did I let that happen?” she said out loud.

Best Friends Necklace

I was writing that previous post, and mentioned the "best friends necklace". I wonder if today I was going to give the other half of one of those best friends necklaces to someone, who would it be. (I promise I really won't do it, but let's pretend) What really makes someone your best friend as an adult? It's different than when you're a kid. Is it the friend you've had the longest, than you can call after not talking for a year and pick up where you left off? Is it the old friend you see around town occassionally and are always extremely happy to see, you catch up, and wish you spent more time with? Is it the new friend, you love to be around, and feel like you can share anything with? Is it the friend that is and has been your roomate for quite some time, who knows everything about you and loves you still? Is it the friend that that is quiet with you and lets you just be yourself? Is it the friend that will do crazy things with you, and never ask questions?

I guess, after thinking about it, it's all of them. So, in my pretend world, you each get a piece of the necklace, we have to cut it up in 8 pieces though, so you might get the piece with the B from Best and the F from Friends, and people will ask you what that means. Or they won't ask, and will assmue alot of different things. So, let's forget the necklace (although it was only make believe), and let me just say thank you for being my friend.

Gone....

Gone are the days of Leave it to Beaver, Matt Dillon and his sidekick Festus. Gone are the times when sitting on your front porch was a favorite past time. Gone are the days when a simple life was satisfying (for me anyway). Gone are the days when playing in the creek bed with my brother was exhillerating. Remember having nothing better to do on Saturday mornings than watching cartoons. Remember when Kraft Macaroni and Cheese was the bast food in the world. Remember making up your own games, playing in the rain, kickball in the front yard, Spuds McKenzie, Max Hedron, Tiffany (You wrap your arms around me and we tumble to the ground, and then you say...I think we're alone now...), Vanilla Ice....(Stop! Collaborate and Listen, ice is back with a brand new invention, something, grabs ahold of me tightly, rocks like a vandal daily and nightly...........).Remember playing house, marbles, jacks, checkers, chinese checkers. Remember looking at your baby pictures with your mom for the first time. Remember the first day of school. Remember moving out of your parents house...that's when it all started. All of those days are, and forever will be gone. Making money, getting an education, finding love, maintaining a home, car, and a life........that's what happened, that became the focus. Leave it to Beaver reruns are still on during the day, but it's not the same, it doesn't hold my attention any more, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese tastes just like what it is, powdered cheese on pasta, no one wants to play my made up games, I can't find anyone who wants to play in the rain with me, kickball in the front yard isn't a good idea if you don't live in the country, and Tiffany...what can I say....forgotten. Vanilla Ice...who cares. Amazing how much is gone, how much we forget, and how much only we will remember. I often think of being kid, and long to return to those days of little responsibility. Then I realize, when I was there, I didn't like it all that much either. Boy, am I hard to please. Don't get me wrong, I was happy then, and I'm happy now. I wish though, that I could have the best of both worlds. The energy, the best friends necklace, the playing make believe, and the worry free life of childhood, along with the knowledge, understanding, confidence, and freedom of adulthood. Can I? I'm going to do my best. Is it all really gone? I don't know....I will continue on my search and let you know.........