Skin

Do you ever feel uncomfortable in your own skin? I know this is weird...I promise I'm not losing my mind. Well, I could be, who knows. I started writing a song a while back, called "I gotta get out of my skin" I was thinking about it today, and it is SO how I feel. I feel kinda trapped in it, like it's suffocating me, you think it's my skin? I realize as I am writing this, how stupid it sounds, but give me a minute, maybe I can explain it. I feel my heart pounding with an urgent desire to escape everything I put it through. Does that make any sense at all? My mind doesn't stay with me, doesn't stay where I am, why does my heart have to. My mind wanders all the time, I can help that wandering by reading, daydreaming, singing, talking, laughing, all of it gives my mind a break....I know this sounds weird, but my heart never gets a break. Sounds like I'm asking for heart-break doesn't it? I'm not, I want to take it out, set it on the table, and not feel it for while. I guess I need a break from my heart.

Monday

Monday is a strange day. Most people seem to feel that Monday is a bad day. Why is that? I mean, don't get me wrong, I agree....believe me, I agree, but why Monday? Monday is the day I always pick to start something new.... a new diet, an excercise program, new study habits. It's crazy...I tell you. It's like I'm making a New Year's Resolution....you know when you make one at the first of the year and don't make it through January, and if you do, it's definitely a bust in February. Only thing is, I make a new one every Monday and it's usually a bust by Wednesday, I always have good intentions, but I lose track somewhere....I think the bad day is Tuesday - cuz Monday I always stick to my resolution, then Tuesday I start out sticking to it, but, it seems that whatever happens on Tuesday usually brings my resolve crashing down around me....kabang!! It's like little bits of my will power have burst out of me and are all over the floor and people are walking on it, it sticks to there shoes, and they walk away with it! I try to get it back, but it's impossible..... Today - I got up at 5:00 a.m. and went walking. A good start to my new thing this week, tomorrow, however, I go to school, so I have to get up early anyway to get there on time. I will get my walking in at though. I've come up with a new strategy, I don't take all my books with me to class, so I have to go to the car between classes to get my books for the next class. That way, I get in all the extra walking that I can. So far, it's working. Well - keep your fingers crossed, and if you find any of my will power sticking to your shoes (please look) I'd like to have it back! Thanks.

Grasshopper

I had one more friend pick a name for my blog - grasshopper - what do you think? I like it, it's original, that's for sure. It does, however, imply that she is willing to learn or wanting to learn (in my opinion). I don't know who from, though. When I find "master" I'll try to hook the two of them up.

Grasshopper is sad it seems, lately, I wish she wasn't. We all get sad sometimes, I know I do, but I realize that in my life, the good out weighs the bad, and I have to focus on the good. I'm not trying to say Grasshopper is not fcusing on the good, I don't know what she's focusing on, for all I know she's focusing on an Oreo cookie. I don't think so though, cuz I never see Oreos at her house, brownies sometimes, lemon bars sometimes, but not Oreos. Maybe that's the problem, she needs more Oreos. I'm not usually a huge Oreo fan but, sometimes, when I'm feeling low, the creamy center of an Oreo cookie can represent the sweeetness of what really is at the center of our lives...HA, I'm so kidding!!! I know I'm a dork sometimes, but you love me anyway - right? you better. Cuz I sure do love you!!! Go eat some Oreos!!! Especially grasshopper!

Don't you think love is a strange thing? Someone told me he loved me the other night, it's interesting how I felt about it. I felt sad for him. He is married, and he is not happy. I honestly can't say that I know very many people that are "happily married". Weird....my parents seem to be (it took them a while) , and my sister and her husband, but that's it. I wonder why that is. A friend of mine told me the other day that marriage is not like it used to be...that no one stays together forever anymore. I think that's really sad. I think love should last forever, I think the problem is not that marriage has changed - how can it, the laws haven't changed, the rules haven't changed, "let no man put assunder what God has joined together"...... I think that people are not taught and do not know what Love really is. There is a song that says "Love's not a feeling, Oh we've got to learn, to get past the emotion to the meaning of the word." I believe that for sure, it's not a feeling or even an emotion, I believe it's a way of life. Living to show your love everyday. I don't just mean in intimate relationships, but all relationships. Family, friends, marriages, all of it. I'm trying hard to figure out this whole thing - Life. Let me know if you have any insight.

Just Thinking.....

It's hard sometimes to express all of the things you have inside your head and your heart. It's nice when you have someone in your life that makes it easy for you to share all of those things. I remember going through life trying to keep everything to myself, not letting anyone know me. My mom used to say "familiararity breeds contempt" she said it all the time, and for some reason the things my mom says tend to stick with me. I used to think she was right, but now I don't. If you live by that motto, then you don't let people know you, and if that's how you live, it gets pretty lonely. People have to know you to really love you. So, be you and I'll try to be me, and we'll see how that works out! Good Luck.....

My life as a Shoe

Not that I ever was a shoe, but for some strange reason, that sounded like an interesting title to me. So, that's the title of my poem, let's see if I can write one that goes along with that. Here goes:

Just sitting around
waiting for my turn
today you picked me
Oh, how I've yearned
to be with you all day
to help you go where you go
to bring you some comfort
to share some of your load
you'll get tired of me someday
I know it's true
you'll throw me away
and buy a new pair of shoes
But till that day
You'll wear me sometimes
then put me back in the closet
until the next time
I'll wait patiently
to be worn again
in the meantime maybe
you'll show me to friends
then back in the closet
I'll go when your through
I'll sit patiently
waiting for you.


From your shoe to you!!!! have a good day!

My Book

Well - it's been decided. Me, myself and I voted unanimously that I am no longer going to write the book online. I know you will all be horribly upset about this....okay, you won't, but I can pretend can't I? So - if you're intereted in knowing how it's going, let me know and I will send it to you, if your not interested then, _______!!! (fill in the blank space by picturing me sticking my tongue out at you!)

What a Difference a Day Makes!

It's true - a day makes a big difference, because one day added to another makes two days and added all together they make up every day. I know, I know...pretty cheezy. Well, a day does make a difference. Today, I went to work, paid some bills, cleaned house, did homework, watched TV, balanced my checkbook, talked on the phone, fed and played with the dog, etc... What if I didn't have today? When would all of that stuff have gotten done? On another note, a day makes a difference in a lot of other ways. When your mad, give it a day. When your sad, give it a day. When your sick, give it a day (or two or three). When your lonely, give it a day. When your scared, give it a day..... A day will make a difference if you let it. A day can give you time to think about why your mad and remember why you love. A day can bring happy thoughts, fun times, or good people to help you get over being sad or lonely. And when I'm scared, I'm always over it by the next day. Not that I get scared, ever. Okay, maybe a little, but just in the dark. Anyway - if today was not so great, just give it a day....it'll get better.