To Whom It May Concern:

As Lava's official Secretary, I regret to inform you that she is unavailable to entertain your boring days at work, your sleepless nights, or any other events in life that have you obsessively coming back for any future hope of entertainment. I apologize for all hope that is lost as you click on her site in your favorites hoping, praying, and anxiously waiting for the next series in the Lava Locust Trilogy.

Lava will be working on her next post, and will have it up very shortly. She appreciates your return patronage, and patience through this busy time in life.

Respectfully,

Ms Thang
Secretary Extraordinaire